Feel Embraced and ashamed?

i had with an escort feel the urge couldn't control. my gf is out of country for a whole year. now i feel so guilty as i want to die. Its just when my ex left me i made myself very scarce from general public now whenever i need my present gf to be with me and she's not there. I feel ashamed remorse and puking feel violated. Don't want to tell anyone as it will create issues and most certainly everyone i know will hate me and i will loose my present gf which i love the most she wont do this to me. I hate myself i don't want to live. please help !!!!